The First Mother

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogging to bring you this important announcement. Today is the posting day for MTC #8 so if you’re interested in taking part please make sure you submit your entry by midnight tonight PST. If you’ve not written an entry yet but would like to the topic is here. While you’re at it perhaps you’d like to become a fully fledged Blog Ninja? Why not?!

For those of you not in the UK or Ireland (or, I just discovered, Nigeria) you may or may not know that today is Mother’s Day here in England. Despite the many prophecies and legends surrounding my creation, I was not spawned out of the bowels of the Earth, nor was I beamed down in a ray of light from the heavens above. Whilst it is true that I wasn’t born in the conventional sense, I was nonetheless ripped from a womb.

Yes, indeed, I have a mother, I know that comes as quite a shock to many of you so I’ll pause while you catch your breath. You there in the back. Yes, you. Perhaps you should seek medical attention. You don’t look so well. The rest of you, grab yourself a glass of water and shake it off, you big wusses. I will not stand for such weakness from the legion of Textual Relations readers. Toughen up or I’ll have to excommunicate you.

Today I plan to surprise the First Mother by popping by to visit her today, despite acting like I’ve forgotten what day it is every time she’s tried to drop a hint. I’ve made her a couple of gifts, and will be buying her dinner. Personally I think she deserves a parade, after all, she did give the world me, but you lot are so ungrateful. How you can do this to a woman who has enriched your life so I don’t know. Don’t you have hearts?