Wordless Wednesday – Sunrise From Mars

20 08 2008

Sunrise From Mars by Dale

Click for a larger version. Image courtesy of JPG Magazine.

Wordless Wednesday – There was a time when dreams were not real…

13 08 2008

There was a time when dreams were not real. These days they might be real. Dreams are dreamt by the ones that dream. They are real. by Corne Lategan.

Click for a larger image. Image courtesy of Flickr.

Wordless Wednesday – One Way

6 08 2008

One Way by Lulabelle.

Click for a larger version. Image courtesy of DeviantArt.

Textual’s Talk Like Yoda Day

22 05 2008

Talk Like Yoda day, yesterday was. Unfortunately, also Wiki-Wednesday, was it, so treated to Mr President talking like Yoda readers of Textual Relations, were not. Simply do not, this would. Postponed until the 22nd, the original Talk Like Yoda Day was, as Sunday, the 21st was. So, thought he, make today Textual Relations’ own personal Talk Like Yoda Day, would he…yes…

If had his way, he did, be Talk Like Yoda Day, every day would herh herh herh.

To hear your stories of Talk Like Yoda Day today he wants. Freak anybody out, did you, hmm? If you did take part in it not, why give it a try today not, hmm? Approve, our little green friend would. Wonder, one thing Mr President does. Yoda says “May The Force Be With You”. Say it in Yoda-speak should he not, hmm? “With you, may the force be”?


Scandal Rocks Textual Relations

16 05 2008

This just in: Mr President has been accused of being a sweetheart. The scandal has rocked Textual Relations HQ, with Socks accusing Blofeld of leaking the story in order to discredit the administration. Apparently Blofeld has become increasingly jealous of Socks’s rising influence, although this remains unconfirmed. Mr President has released the following statement:

Now, I have to go back to work on my post for tomorrow’s blog. And I worked on it until pretty late last night. But I want to say one thing to the readers of Textual Relations. I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman…

At this point the President realised he had the wrong piece of paper. After much scrambling around on the lectern for the right piece of paper, something which will undoubtedly give his political enemies even more ammunition, he continued:

It has come to my attention that I have been accused, in a very fine online publication, of being a sweetheart. These accusations are not only malicious, but they are unfounded, a cruel attack designed to destabilise my administration, and hurt you, the readers of Textual Relations.

I categorically deny that I have ever indulged in anything other than an entirely professional relationship with Ms d’Arcy, and suggestions that we are “very good friends” or that I have been at all helpful with the Mystery Topic Challenge are false. Whilst I have nothing but the utmost respect for her as both a woman and a scholar, that is where our relationship ends.

At present I will not be taking any questions, as I have a great deal of work to do for the readers of Textual Relations. Thank you.

Whilst there has been muted talk of impeachment, it appears to be premature.

Something For The Weekend

2 05 2008

The last time he used that title for a post Mr President probably alienated the vast majority of his readership so you might think he’d be tentative about using it again. Not so, those who know him well know that he likes to shock and offend. If you’re a regular reader you must like the rollercoaster ride of being outraged but secretly agreeing with him so he’s going to continue.

For example it’s probably very wrong that he feels little or no sympathy for Elizabeth Fritzl, and actually thinks Josef Fritzl looks like a cool sort of guy. Although he stops a little short of saying he’s his hero, how can you not love that Morrissey haircut and his impression of The People’s Eyebrow? Anyway, it’s hard to feel sympathy for her, she’s an Austrian. It might seem like an unfair comparison but doesn’t this sound familiar?

That wasn’t what he wanted to talk about today though. He doesn’t want the phrase “something for the weekend” to be forever ruined for those of you about to enjoy a three day weekend away with your significant other, a weekend likely to consist of bonking like rabbits. Don’t worry, in amongst the extra curricular activities Mr President will still have time to drop in to deliver his daily sermon here on Textual Relations.

No, today he’s plugging the MTC. There’s still time to signup to get involved and as yet the topic hasn’t been announced so if you’re looking for a new writing challenge and haven’t taken part in it before, why not give it a whirl now? There’s never been a better time to get involved in something a little different. If you have taken part in it before but haven’t done so recently, you’re more than welcome to get back up on the horse.

Whatever you choose to do, enjoy your weekend (three day for some of us).

Random Roundup 6

24 04 2008

His rage having suitably subsided, Mr President has lifted the strike, and is back to deliver your daily dose of Textual goodness. Speaking of strikes, he’s quite frankly sick to the back teeth of the news coverage the teacher’s strike is getting. He could care less. Teachers don’t deserve a pay rise and the kids who claim they’ll fail because of the strike would have failed anyway.

Moving on from that non-story, today we’re going to be taking a sideways look at the news, focusing on those slightly weird and wacky stories that don’t get as much news coverage as they should. Yes, it’s that time again, Random Roundup is back baby!

We start in Florida, where a pensioner came home to find an unwelcome guest making a racket in her kitchen. Not that unusual, except that in this case it was a burglar with bite, in the form of an eight foot long alligator. Perhaps it didn’t like her crockery?

From Tampa to India where an elephant went wild in a temple, trampling three people to death. There are some quite graphic scenes in that video so if you’re squeamish, don’t watch. Perhaps now those crazy Hindus will stop worshiping an elephant god and stick to something less likely to crush them to death. How about a hamster god?

Not wanting this to turn into “When Animals Attack”, we move onto a subject that’s very close to Mr President’s heart. Police in Congo are investigating a recent spate of penis thefts. It appears they’ve arrested people who stand accused of, amongst many things, shrinking penises. Does this mean the police will arrest God for the cold weather?

An Islamic terrorist fled a detention centre through a bathroom window. Nothing terribly unusual about that but the fact that he left sans pants is probably a rare occurrence. It does give a whole new meaning to not being caught with your pants down, though.

And finally, masseuses in Indonesia will be required to wear padlocks on their pants, as a modern equivalent to the chastity belt. The move is designed to crackdown on prostitution but surely without that to rely on Indonesia’s economy will crumble?