Back To Brit-Bashing

21 06 2008

It’s been quite a while since Britney Spears last made an appearance on Textual Relations and this simply won’t do. Such a long period without Mr President ripping shreds out of the posterchild for why pop music has been rubbish for the past twenty years is quite simply a travesty. So today he looks to address this with a little indulgence in his favourite pastime; Brit-bashing.

Mother Of The Decade Ms Spears has revealed that she believes she won’t live beyond the magical 27. Of course this is also the age that legends such as Hendrix, Morrison and Cobain died. This is really no shock, given Britney’s descent into madness over recent years, but should she be mentioned in the same breath as those legends?

Mr President is quite the admirer of Ian Halperin, whose book “Who Killed Kurt Cobain?” is a fascinating read. The idea that Cobain might’ve been murdered has long been ridiculed as a mere conspiracy theory but Halperin and Wallace put forward startling evidence suggesting it might be true. However this latest project is beneath him.

Everyone here at Textual Relations HQ hopes Britney dies on her 28th birthday, just to spite her and deny her entry to the 27 club. In fact, while he’s killing people off, Mr President would quite like to get his hands on whoever wrote that article and seems to think it’s ironic that Halperin also wrote a book about Cobain, who died at 27. In what way is that ironic, rather than coincidental? When will people learn the difference?!

Blood is beginning to pour out of Mr President’s ears so he’s going to depart now.



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