This just in: Mr President has been accused of being a sweetheart. The scandal has rocked Textual Relations HQ, with Socks accusing Blofeld of leaking the story in order to discredit the administration. Apparently Blofeld has become increasingly jealous of Socks’s rising influence, although this remains unconfirmed. Mr President has released the following statement:
Now, I have to go back to work on my post for tomorrow’s blog. And I worked on it until pretty late last night. But I want to say one thing to the readers of Textual Relations. I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman…
At this point the President realised he had the wrong piece of paper. After much scrambling around on the lectern for the right piece of paper, something which will undoubtedly give his political enemies even more ammunition, he continued:
It has come to my attention that I have been accused, in a very fine online publication, of being a sweetheart. These accusations are not only malicious, but they are unfounded, a cruel attack designed to destabilise my administration, and hurt you, the readers of Textual Relations.
I categorically deny that I have ever indulged in anything other than an entirely professional relationship with Ms d’Arcy, and suggestions that we are “very good friends” or that I have been at all helpful with the Mystery Topic Challenge are false. Whilst I have nothing but the utmost respect for her as both a woman and a scholar, that is where our relationship ends.
At present I will not be taking any questions, as I have a great deal of work to do for the readers of Textual Relations. Thank you.
Whilst there has been muted talk of impeachment, it appears to be premature.