Shut The Heck Up!

13 05 2008

On Friday Mr President reviewed Iron Man and in the comments he made reference to annoying people at the cinema who practically forced him out of the door, meaning he couldn’t stay past the credits. This, incidentally, was the least of their offenses, and initially he had planned to talk further about this during the review but he didn’t want to make that post overly long (see below).

So today he finally gets to climb up on his soapbox and rant about inconsiderate people at the cinema, although he’d be far happier if he could lock them in a room and make them listen to “My Heart Will Go On”. Those sophisticated torture measures they use in Gitmo have got nothing on a bit of Celine Dion. And to think it had started well…

When he’d arrived at the cinema there were no issues, everyone around him seemed fairly considerate, switching off their phones and keeping their conversations in hushed tones, as well as making it easy for him to get into his seat. Fair play to them. Then these three girls came in and left almost immediately, in a bit of a rush. He thought perhaps they’d gone into the wrong screen and were there for another movie.

The movie begins and lo and behold the three girls come wandering in again, and although often the beginning of films is quite slow-moving, anyone who’s seen Iron Man knows that’s not the case here. He hates it when people walk in once a movie’s started anyway, and says they shouldn’t be allowed to. Some of us know how to tell the time.

However despite this, he knows people do, and anyway, people should be allowed to leave to go to the toilet or get food or drink, so it’s unrealistic to expect people not to move around and distract you. Ok, so we accept them coming in late, but then he hears a mobile phone ringing. Guess who it belongs to? Yep, the annoying girls strike again.

Perhaps they didn’t remember switch it off as they were in a rush, you might think, but no, that’s not the case. How does he know? Because the girl answers it and begins having a conversation during the movie. She’s asked to be quiet and instead decides to leave the cinema, again walking right in front of people trying to watch the damn movie!

Upon her return (oh yes, she came back) she again blocks our views as she sat back down, only to receive another phone call. There was really no excuse for not switching it off this time, so clearly she couldn’t care less about disturbing other people, the selfish brat. Mr President was, by this point, fighting the urge to pull her out of her seat, take her out behind the cinema and shoot her, and her friends. He was enjoying the movie too much. Well, that and the fact he didn’t actually have a gun to hand. Pity really.

You see, every time she left she couldn’t do it alone, oh no, she had to leave with her friends, because clearly it takes four people to answer a bloody phone. Nor were these isolated incidents, they must have gotten up and left at least a half dozen times throughout the movie, so much so he wonders why they even bothered coming at all.

They can’t possibly have seen much of the movie, in fact they probably couldn’t even tell you who Tony Stark was, let alone tell you much about what happened. What he doesn’t understand is why people waste their money on coming to the cinema if all they’re going to do is talk? This is no isolated incident either, there are often chatty teenagers talking away at the back of the cinema whenever he goes. What’s the point?

Surely a cafe or bar would be more suited to their needs? It’s not just their money they’re wasting either, what about the rest of the paying patrons whose movie is spoiled by them? He doesn’t begrudge them going somewhere and talking, it’s a free country, but don’t do it in the middle of a cinema! Nor was this the end of the annoyance, oh no!

The final straw was when the movie ended. Being the considerate gentleman he is, the Presidential One got up to allow them to pass, rather than simply move his knees (which were blocking their way out). He could simply have been a jerk and done the latter, but by doing the right thing he ended up being shunted out of the cinema by the crowd and couldn’t stay during the credits as he’d wanted to. Why do people rush off at the end?

Damn them. Damn them all to hell, every last one of them. Even the nice ones.


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4 responses

13 05 2008
Stella Devine

I only go to the Gold Class cinema these days. Yes, it’s more expensive, but that keeps out the plebs. And if I’m going to arrange babysitting, drag myself out of my living room on a cold winter evening and have a night out, I want to be at least as comfortable as I would have been at home. In Gold Class, the only interruption is the hostess bringing you a cup of hot chocolate and a warm blanket.

14 05 2008
Mr President

Unfortunately the closest Gold Class screen to where I live is 45 miles away (72 km) and the only way to get there, from what I can tell, is to drive. At current petrol prices that drive would cost £36, over AU$70.

Otherwise it sounds like a great idea, especially with the “no under 18s unless accompanied by an adult). It’s always the teenagers that are the annoying ones. I have no idea why the hell they don’t have any in London, it’s only the capital city! You’d think they’d at least have one in the city, in Leicester Square, or the 02, which are flagship cinemas.

14 05 2008
jayne d'Arcy

Our theatre thankfully enforces their rule of “shut up” and turning off the damn cells. It’s also best to hit a movie when the teen crowd isn’t going to be in force.

15 05 2008
Mr President

Mine does enforce the rules in the smaller screens, but always trots out the excuses with the bigger screens, about how there’s too many people to police and ensure everybody is treated the same way. Which is a joke, especially as I intentionally waited for a showing that was in the larger screen as I wanted to give myself the best experience.

When I was at Uni I used to hit movies on weekdays (when I had a free day or a free afternoon) during working hours (as kids are at school) but unfortunately that’s just not convenient anymore. How I wish I was a student again, and not just for the trips to the cinema!

Was probably a mistake, though, to go to the cinema after going shopping, as it inevitably meant I went to a later showing. Next time I’ll aim for the first showing of the day as it’s at 11am and there’s no way any normal teenager would be up at that time on a Saturday.

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