Random Roundup 6

24 04 2008

His rage having suitably subsided, Mr President has lifted the strike, and is back to deliver your daily dose of Textual goodness. Speaking of strikes, he’s quite frankly sick to the back teeth of the news coverage the teacher’s strike is getting. He could care less. Teachers don’t deserve a pay rise and the kids who claim they’ll fail because of the strike would have failed anyway.

Moving on from that non-story, today we’re going to be taking a sideways look at the news, focusing on those slightly weird and wacky stories that don’t get as much news coverage as they should. Yes, it’s that time again, Random Roundup is back baby!

We start in Florida, where a pensioner came home to find an unwelcome guest making a racket in her kitchen. Not that unusual, except that in this case it was a burglar with bite, in the form of an eight foot long alligator. Perhaps it didn’t like her crockery?

From Tampa to India where an elephant went wild in a temple, trampling three people to death. There are some quite graphic scenes in that video so if you’re squeamish, don’t watch. Perhaps now those crazy Hindus will stop worshiping an elephant god and stick to something less likely to crush them to death. How about a hamster god?

Not wanting this to turn into “When Animals Attack”, we move onto a subject that’s very close to Mr President’s heart. Police in Congo are investigating a recent spate of penis thefts. It appears they’ve arrested people who stand accused of, amongst many things, shrinking penises. Does this mean the police will arrest God for the cold weather?

An Islamic terrorist fled a detention centre through a bathroom window. Nothing terribly unusual about that but the fact that he left sans pants is probably a rare occurrence. It does give a whole new meaning to not being caught with your pants down, though.

And finally, masseuses in Indonesia will be required to wear padlocks on their pants, as a modern equivalent to the chastity belt. The move is designed to crackdown on prostitution but surely without that to rely on Indonesia’s economy will crumble?


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