On Strike

22 04 2008

Mr President is going on strike. The dearth of comments recently has left him feeling a little jaded on this whole blogging thing and quite frankly a little underappreciated. Apart from Stella, who fuelled our resident pervert’s imagination with comments about wearing tight jeans and knee high boots, you’re all off his christmas card list. Not that he has one, but he’ll make one.

To make matters worse, he lost MTC #10, not even managing a runners-up slot as he crawled in at third with just one vote. So just one of you lot voted for him, the rest of you abandoned your inspirational leader for Andy’s turtle tale. Granted, it was quite a good post, and bound by the rules of the contest Mr President voted for Andy himself, but you didn’t have to! He bares his soul to you people and this is the thanks he gets?!

Clearly his coming third in what clearly should have been a one-horse race is an outrage, a total disgrace, and he would normally be demanding a recount. Only he worries that, knowing you ingrates, a recount would show that the one vote he did get was meant for SomeGo. He surely can’t be the only person who’s mesmerised by how hot she is. In fact he’s currently thinking about SomeGo and Stella naked…in jello.

Whilst that is certainly more pleasant than remembering what he did with that cigar tube and a certain intern, there’s business at hand. El Presidente is enraged. It boils and seethes within like a bubbling volcano. He must let it out, perhaps shave his head and go on a killing spree. In fact half of that is already true so it’s just a formality really.

Choosing his weapon of choice will be interesting. Does he butcher some schoolchildren with a chainsaw or mow down passers by in the street with a machine gun? If he can find a nice high vantage point he could use a sniper rifle, which would probably be the most enjoyable. That look of terror on the faces of the people below, looking around frantically for the unseen danger while he continues to pick them off one by one.

Goodbye for now people…perhaps I’ll be seeing you soon…very soon.


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6 responses

22 04 2008
Stella

Goodness me! You sound as if you need a cup of tea and a good lie down. Either that, or you are one of those scary Internet psychopaths we are all warned about when we begin blogging.

Incidentally, I’m sure I didn’t sound quite as trashy as all that in my comment. Besides, tight jeans are in my distant past. In fact, I’m an old married lady, and as it’s now late autumn in Tasmania, I’ve been wearing a lot of polar fleece lately. Does this mean I don’t get a Christmas card either?

22 04 2008
somegosoftly

great, the MTC has turned you into a crazed maniac. No wait, you were already a little crazy, a little manic. So we’ve turned you into a murderer. Yikes.

23 04 2008
Mr President

I don’t actually like tea Stella, which I suppose is strange for a Brit, especially a Brit of Indian origin. Not liking tea is like letting both sides down but I’m much more of a coffee man. Absolutely love it.

No, you didn’t sound trashy at all, that was all my doing. You did also mention that the tight jeans are in the past. You’re certainly not “old” though, and being married doesn’t stop you being hot. Likewise with SomeGo, she’s married but she’s still stunning. Lucky hubbies.

As for the Christmas card, I don’t really have a Christmas card list, so neither of you were getting Christmas cards anyway. I’ve known a few Aussies over my time Stella but never really found out if it gets particularly cold during the winter months. How cold does it get?

Somego, dearest, it’s not the MTC that does that. It’s a side-effect of whenever I clip my hair really short. For some reason I start feeling like Travis Bickle (yes, I know he had a mohawk but so what?).

I was only kidding of course, I just felt like a little bit of creative writing, I was going for a little bit comedic, a little bit scary. Sometimes it’s great fun to let the “Mr President” persona run free and this was just a little sample, but the man behind the presidency isn’t psychotic.

23 04 2008
Stella

It was more a metaphorical cup of tea that I was suggesting. It is rather remiss of you not to enjoy tea, given your heritage. Yet another of my long-cherished stereotypes blown to smithereens.

Australia’s vast, so it has lots of different climates. I used to live in Far North Queensland, where the temperature rarely drops below 24 degrees celsius and the humidity is so high that you are effectively swimming. For the last few years, I have been resident in Tasmania, the little triangular shaped island to the south of the Australian mainland. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Map+Of+Tassie
While the climate is technically temperate, most Australians agree that Tasmania is bloody freezing. It snows from time to time in winter, but in the cities it rarely settles. I feel the cold, so except for about a fortnight in December, I sleep in a long sleeved top, woolly jumper, polar fleece, trackpants and Explorer socks. Sometimes I wear a beanie too. I look ravishing. Bobby Mowang can hardly hold himself back, but somehow, he manages.

I am relieved to hear you are not psycho, but you might like to grow your hair a bit longer. Not much longer, just enough so the murderous rage subsides to the level of muttering swear words under your breath.

23 04 2008
Andy D

From a fellow short haired man…

I have to say I laughed harder at this post than many of your more recent posts. Perhaps all you needed was a good cup of rage to fuel your blog.

Of course, Jello doesn’t hurt either.

24 04 2008
Mr President

Stella: Ah, metaphorical tea. I hear it’s good stuff, aids the digestion.

Australia’s massive, I knew that, but wasn’t aware that it was that varied in terms of climate. Likewise I know where Tasmania is but had no idea about the shape or the euphemistic value. Thanks for the link.

Snow? In Australia? Wow. Every Aussie I’ve ever known has said they’ve never seen the stuff so I presume that’s very specific to Tassie. I’m sure you still look stunning all wrapped up. Bobby has greater powers of restraint than I would. You’d need to beat me off with a stick.

Not to worry, I shall be growing it out a little now. I feel calmer already.

Andy: Rage is always good. I feel as though I’ve been soft recently. Also the job hunt was adversely affecting the quality of the blog I reckon, which is something I think will change now that I’ve shifted direction.

There’s always room for jello…

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