Apparently Italian people think Monaco is in Germany. Mr President thinks Italian people are stupid. Whose bright idea was it to call Munich Monaco di Baviera? Are they going to call London Monaco di Inghilterra? Why even both with place names? Just stick with “here” and “there”. If anything that might be even clearer, but then is expecting logic of the Italians a wise thing to do?
A female Canadian judge wants to know what BDSM means. Being the giving man he is Mr President’s first thought was that he likes Canadian women and would be more than happy to show her. Then he saw this picture of her (she’s on the left) and changed his mind. She makes Monica look like, well, Monica. In fact if Miss Lewinsky was as ugly as Justice Anne Rowles perhaps Kenneth Starr would have shown pity for old Bill.
Whilst Dry Cleaner vigilantism is a craze that hasn’t taken off here in the UK, here at Textual Relations we think it’s the next big thing. In fact as we speak El Presidente is currently on the phone ordering his very own steam cleaner so he can deal with those pesky kids. Their dog is particularly annoying and is ruining his prize-winning petunias.
Especially for Pribek, here’s the world’s biggest rideable guitar. Mr President didn’t even know there was such a thing as a rideable guitar but now that he does, he wants one, and wonders if Aston Martin will bring out a DBStratocaster. Sort of like a DBS only with a giant replica of a stratocaster on top of it. Actually that sounds like a horrible idea, sort of like Pimp My Ride. In case you didn’t know, we are not a fan of the show.
Lawmakers in Florida have decided to make going postal that little bit easier. Yes, they’ve decided to pass a “take your guns to work” law. Mr President thinks it’s a great idea. Anything that leads to more Americans shooting each other and realising the true meaning of “friendly fire” can only be good. It also seems like a really smart way to ease the problem of road rage, because once you’ve shot someone your rage is gone.
We won’t get into debating the rights and wrongs of it. Mr President is tired and thinks you people have taken up enough of his precious time. In case you missed it, he had not one, not two, not three, but four interviews yesterday, and two the day before, so he’s understandably a little drained. Whilst he doesn’t mind occasionally being your dancing monkey, he sometimes fantasises about stabbing you all in your sleep.
Sleep well people, sleep well…