Monday Meme – The What Type of Communicator Are You? Test

25 02 2008

As someone who defines himself by his communication skills and style, this test immediately grabbed my attention and was incredibly enjoyable. The results were somewhat surprising, I have to say. I’m sure those of you who read this blog regularly would have expected, as I did, that I would score highest in aggressive. Having said that, assertiveness isn’t a total shock, is it?

Although I’ve always naturally been very reflective and somewhat introspective, I think therapy only heightened this. Where before I would be aware of my flaws but do nothing to really change them, therapy taught me that that’s really only half the battle.

People who say they can’t change are wrong; no matter your age, if there’s something about your personality that you dislike, you can change it, if you want it enough. My aggression was a trait I felt was out of control, so I’ve worked hard to control the beast.

Textual Relations provides a great outlet for me to unleash my more opinionated nature but has, believe it or not, ironically made me less opinionated! The reason for this is probably the intelligent discourse I’ve had with some of you which has taught me the value of remaining open minded, using the ideas of others to add nuance to your own.

9 passive, 12 passive-aggressive, 23 aggressive, 24 assertive

The communication type on which you scored the highest is your dominant style. Of course, we all use each of the four styles at varying points in time, depending upon the circumstances in which we’re involved. Still, the assertive style is the most desirable in any communicator; descriptions of each are as follows:

PASSIVE – The passive person is indirect, anxious, and inhibited. You often do not address problems, and very rarely do you stand up for yourself. Your boundaries are poor, and therefore other people often respond by taking advantage of you or completely ignoring you. Beware, though, because you’re prone to the “pressure cooker effect,” whereby you explode over something seemingly irrelevant.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE – The passive-aggressive person is also indirect, and may even sound passive…at first. However, you are quite hostile in nature, and tend to want to “get even” with those who have wronged you. You do this very sneakily though, drawing as little attention to yourself as possible. You favor manipulation and deception, and would rather tell everyone *else* what is bothering you than the person with whom you actually have a beef. Sarcasm and hostile gestures are also your most common tools of communication.

AGGRESSIVE – The aggressive person is threatening toward others. You’re all about getting your way and being heard — no matter what. You’re frequently loud, demanding, bossy, blaming, and sarcastic. You may get your own way in the end, but it’s usually at the cost of the respect of those around you. You don’t talk to people; you intimidate them into meeting your needs, and have no respect for their boundaries.

ASSERTIVE – The assertive person is confident, clear, and in control. You speak with an even tone, and respect the boundaries of those around you. You try to address problems by offering solutions and working toward compromise whenever possible. You’re able to state your needs without any expectation of their being fulfilled, as you know that ultimately you do not control other people. You are perceived as a threat by the passive-aggressive person, as you are direct, open, and honest. You may be perceived as intimidating to the passive person but more so because he/she wants to be more like you.

Link: The What Type of Communicator Are You? Test written by inspireme27 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
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9 responses

26 02 2008
jayne d'Arcy

Wow! Was this test way off the mark for me. It said I was passive. I think anyone that knows me beyond my blog will laugh in your face if you tell them I’m passive. lol

26 02 2008
Mr President

Well I only know you through your blog and would lean towards describing you as passive, with elements of passive aggressive.

I certainly have never seen you be overly aggressive towards anyone, and I’d err away from calling you assertive because I do think (and I think I’ve said this to you) that you’re sometimes too nice.

There’ve been times, particularly in the old days over on that traffic exchange we don’t talk about, where I think you took a lot of abuse that you didn’t deserve yet didn’t stick up for yourself (no offence).

It could be that perhaps you, like me, were quite aggressive and remain somewhat aggressive “offline” yet have come to be more passive online, realising that people out here in cyberspace don’t really matter.

That’s certainly the case for me. So how would you describe yourself?

26 02 2008
jayne d'Arcy

I’m not super aggressive, but my husband would say I am moderately aggressive. I’m the one that can bring customer service people to tears. I don’t hesitate in returning stuff and getting my money back, etc. I ain’t shy.

As for that traffic exchange place, that was a different matter. Had I been your basic member and not a mod representing the place, I would have given a lot more people there a piece of my mind. As it was, I was reminded constantly that I couldn’t.

I am more passive online, but that I think comes out of my need to keep the internet, where I socialize, stress free. I did the “first reaction f-u” thing and it wasn’t good.

So, passive (much more polite on the ‘net) and scary in real life.

26 02 2008
Mr President

Ahh. I can definitely see your point about the traffic exchange place, I was told the same, but I decided I’d tee off on people if I felt like it and to hell with the consequences. With hindsight it was a terrible way for a mod to behave but you and I both know the crap we put up with.

As for keeping the internet stress free by being passive, I can very much relate. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly passive online but I’m more assertive than the way I am offline, which can be ultra-aggressive.

What you describe, getting money back, giving people a piece of your mind, I wonder if that sort of behaviour would be considered aggressive by most people? I certainly wouldn’t call it that, I don’t think.

Although it may seem aggressive based on the reactions of those you deal with (the customer service people you bring to tears) I wonder if that stems more from the fact that most people doing those jobs are passive or passive-aggressive, and don’t respond well to conflict.

That, I think, is where this sort of test can’t give you a complete picture since it only measures your approach. Communication is, by its nature, a two-way thing. I’m much more likely to be aggressive if I think that by doing so I’ll achieve the goal I want, but if I think that sort of approach is likely to backfire I might opt to be more passive.

I’m curious to know what your four scores were. Were they tight or decidedly one-sided? Like, I was surprised that assertive came out top for me, as I’d expected aggressive to do, but it was so close that it’s much of a muchness. Curious to know if yours were too.

16 05 2009
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17 05 2009
pvexnn

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24 10 2009
13 12 2009

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