Bite Sized News 3 : This Time It’s Personal

19 02 2008

Before I go any further, I’d like to come clean. It’s really not personal. The marketing department here at Textual Relations, who write all my headlines, just couldn’t come up with a better tagline. That’s what you get for employing chimps with typewriters, I suppose. They claim they’ve written the entire works of Shakespeare but I may have to investigate that. I suspect they’re lying.

Unfortunately today’s blog is a little late on account of WordPress.com scheduling regular maintenance. It’s worth noting, in passing, that they always seem to schedule maintenance when I’m posting, I’m either the unluckiest guy on the planet or it’s a time-zone thing. I’d guess the majority of WordPress.com users are American.

Not that I’m complaining too much, I’m sure Automattic are simply trying to cause the least amount of pain to the least number of users. The maintenance needs to be done, after all. Anyway, moving on to the news. I feel a little dirty for admitting this but I have to admit Lily Allen has been looking great recently. Well, much better anyway.

She’s still got a rather ugly face, she looks just like her dad, the comedian Keith Allen, but her figure is much improved. Nonetheless, the news that she was dumped as the face of Agent Provocateur isn’t all that shocking. When you consider Gisele was, until recently, the face of Victoria’s Secret, Lily Allen is a bit of a munter by comparison.

In more serious news, two days of suicide bombs in Afghanistan have killed 140, and suggest the insurgents there are willing to adopt the more bloodthirsty tactics of their Iraqi counterparts. I know this is probably really wrong of me, in light of that rather sombre news, but did anyone else think the following quote was not the sort of plug Toyota would want? The brand of the car seemed like superfluous information to me.

“A white Toyota Corolla car rammed the second vehicle in the convoy as it passed through the bazaar,” said Hakim, who saw the attack from his grocery store. “Then there was a huge explosion. It was dust. I do not know what happened to me.”

Whilst the world is looking at the US presidential primaries to discover who will form the next US government, Gordon Brown is doing his utmost to ruin any chances of him being the man to form the next UK one. Critics have been quick to blame the bankers for the current credit problems but the truth is it’s fiscally irresponsible people spending beyond their means that caused this. Why is it so many of us live on credit?

Having said that, whatever the causes, Gordon Brown’s handling of the Northern Rock debacle is ominously reminiscent of the Labour governments of the 1970s. Which should serve as a warning to anyone thinking the “new” Democrats are any different from the old ones. Parties which have their roots in socialism will always return to it, and any idea that these parties can represent middle class interests is a myth.

One thing I will congratulate the Government on, though, is this. I have no idea what it’s like for those of you on the other side of the pond but it is so hard to get an appointment to see your GP these days, the surgery opening hours are a joke, and any idea that these doctors are overworked is miles off the mark. There are plenty of health workers who are overworked, primarily those that work in hospitals, both doctors and nurses, but a GP practice is an ideal way for a lazy person to make a lot of money.

On a lighter note, a former drinking buddy of the legendary Oliver Reed has survived crash-landing a World War II aircraft into shark-infest waters in the Caribbean. I’m not even sure any amount of commentary or editorialising I could give that would actually make the story any more fascinating than it is in its natural state. It sounds like it belongs in the plot of a movie. If there can be a new Rambo movie why not Jaws 5?


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